My mother is a strong and ambitious woman.

She is resilient, but she wasn’t born resilient.

She evolved into an unbreakable woman because she had to.

Her first son was born with disabilities and her second son died at birth.

As a little girl I watched my mom push her grief to the side and try do it all. I experienced my mother living and functioning with such strength. She would work all day from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. and still somehow find the time to take us to the doctors, enroll us in cooking class, and help my brother live a comfortable life.

I also watched my mother struggle to be everything to everyone, mostly she wanted to be liked. She had a very hard time saying no to my father, to her sister and to her children. It was very difficult for her to set boundaries that honored herself.

When she said yes too much she would feel completely depleted and angry at herself for over committing. When she had given all she could give, which happened frequently, she would blow up and lash out. She would hurt the very people she loved with all her heart and then felt terribly guilty inside.

When she did say no and set her boundaries, she would do it in an aggressive way. Many times her boundaries looked more like walls. She was aware of the harshness and would feel guilty. She would then try to overcompensate by offering to help or by being overly sweet. Her sweetness was filled with her fear of not being accepted and loved by others.

Her relationship with guilt and her desire to feel free, put so much pressure on her. It ultimately caused her to lose trust in herself. It left her stuck in this cycle of fear, anger and resentment.

The reason why I know what my mom went through is because I did the same things when I became a woman…

And you know what I found?

Guilt is a crazy trap that keeps us stuck in an endless cycle of people-pleasing.

Guilt keeps us from being seen and heard.

Guilt keeps us from living the life we’re meant to live.

To set boundaries we have to let go of the guilt.

To truly love and be strong women we have to set unapologetic boundaries.

I also found that boundaries aren’t about what other people are doing or not doing. Boundaries are for US to honor, not for others to respect.

Let me share a simplified example with you. Imagine you go into your home office and ask your family not to interrupt you until you come out because you need to finish writing an important email. Within minutes someone comes into your room because they had a quick question. Instead of honoring your boundary you get mad and yell at them.

Here’s what you could have done instead. You could have repeated what you said before, I need some uninterrupted time so I can finish sending an important email, then locked the door. By doing this you have stated your requirement and have sent a clear message that you mean what you really say, DON’T COME IN. 

In the second example you didn’t ask someone to respect your boundary.  YOU took charge of your boundary. You didn’t wait for someone to give you permission to set boundaries. You just did. You were in your power.

When you don’t know how to set proper boundaries, people will take advantage every time. It’s just human nature.

The Empowered Woman stands in her power and sets healthy and loving boundaries.  She honors herself by honoring her boundaries. By honoring herself she understands that she is also honoring others.

The Empowered Woman understands that all true love starts with boundaries.

You matter and your needs matter.

We must make space for our own healing so we can love and show up in the world at a whole new level. Boundaries are a big part of that healing process.

To help women along on this journey, I have created a safe space for women to grow called the Empowered Woman Mastermind Program. Check it out here.

Then if it resonates, click here and let’s have a chat. 

I look forward to being with some of you soon. 🙂

With so much love and beauty,

P.S.  The Empowered Woman Mastermind is 50% full. There are powerful, committed and extremely loving women already joining. Are you one of them? CLICK HERE to receive more information..