Did you learn how to set Healthy, Loving Boundaries? Did anyone growing up sit you down and say, “Now honey, this is a healthy boundary, and here’s how to set one”? 

If you are like me, probably not.

Let me be honest, I know this subject VERY well, as I never learned how to set healthy boundaries either, and I got in a lot of trouble growing up because of it. The examples range from losing jobs and staying in unhealthy relationships for way too long, to being very harsh on myself and my body.

I experienced the lack in almost every aspect of my life, and because of it I ended up doubting myself, feeling hurt, and disappointed.

This had a huge influence on my self confidence and self esteem as a woman, and definitely made me feel completely UN-BEAUTIFUL. Giving away my power put me in situations I don’t ever want to live again.

NOT having healthy, loving boundaries will affect:

• Your ability to receive the money you desire in your business
• Your relationship with your clients and your ability to serve them fully
• Your ability to feel fully confident and enjoy what you most love doing
• Your confidence in being visible in your business and life

It’s easy for women to doubt themselves first. In almost every culture, women have been taught that we are not enough, that only if we have a beautiful body are we worthy. We’re taught that we have to shut up and listen. These views still exists in the media, women are portrayed as “less than” and a part of us still believes it…

The time for us to stand up in our power and speak our truth has come, and I know in the beginning, it might not be so pretty, but it is beautiful, remember that.

Speaking your truth in love and setting healthy boundaries is an art, and, like any art, it takes time to improve, so be patient with yourself as you learn and practice.

I wouldn’t leave you without some direction on how to begin to set loving and healthy boundaries when a situation arises, so here it is…

• First: Acknowledge That Your Feelings And Emotions Are Not Wrong: Allow yourself to feel the frustration or anger around the situation that is triggering you. Most times, our first reaction as women is to make ourselves wrong.

• Then: Take a DEEP, Long Breath (You might need several): This helps you to bring oxygen to your brain so you can think straight, instead of letting your emotions take over.

• Next: Run The Story By A Coach Or Friend Or Write It Down On Paper: When you feel upset, you aren’t able to be objective about a situation and you will make it bigger (create more drama) than it needs to be. By “getting it out”, you are allowing yourself to NOT take the situation personally and have better judgement.

• Then: Take Responsibility: Taking responsibility has to do with your ability to respond to a situation. Now that you are calm, take the opportunity  to CHOOSE how you are going to respond and who you are going to BE in this situation.

• Now: Speak Your Truth from Love: With a clearer head and a better judgement, you will now be able to see that the other person is “doing” what they know how to do. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is “doing it to you”. It’s important to understand because this conversation is NOT about making anyone right or wrong, it’s truly about expressing your truth or desire in the specific situation.

• Remember: Practice Makes Perfect: Continue to practice speaking your truth without getting involved in the drama (trust me, I know a lot about this coming from an Argentinian-Italian background). Before long you’ll be setting boundaries before an uncomfortable ‘situation’ arises.

When you allow yourself to follow the process I presented for you above, you will see miracles happen within you and others in your life.

Did you like that exercise; do you have a practice of your own? Sometimes it’s hard to develop this muscle alone and it might take longer time than you desire. One of the main areas I support my clients with in my coaching practice is “How to Set Healthy and Loving Boundaries”, believe me, is such a relief when you are able to master this, not to mention, the amazing power that comes with it…talk about being unapologetic about WHO YOU ARE AS A WOMAN!

Book a private call with Paula, to find out more about how we can work together. Click here to learn more.